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March 2010
How long have I been doing Stand Up? Am
I standing up?
So I’m starting to see a pattern here.
I’ve been to three shows, and two of the shows have had skits
about dentists. Which is funny, because, when I was a kid, I had a
LOT of dentist work. I mean, a lot. Every time I
turned around, there was a dentist wanting to poke around inside
my mouth.
More specifically, my orthodontist (a
higher-paid dentist) was thrilled when I came in, because I
remember my mom saying that he was using my mouth as a subject for
some sort of conference presentation at the ORTHO-CON 1978
convention. I think he took 400 x-rays because the world had never
seen a “case” like mine.
Anyway, this show was just great.
I mean, for a guy who is 76 years old —
his voice and demeanor was exactly how I heard it growing up. I
mean, the show that he co-starred on was in everybody’s living
room — on what, Friday nights, for something like 11 years.
A perfect mix of stand-up and skits – with
help from Chuck McCann and Louise DuArt (a woman who could
impersonate Anybody) – the show gave you an understanding to the
point he made at the end of the show:
“I’m really incapable of doing anything
else, besides comedy.”
And that’s fine with me.
Tim Conway and Friends
March 12, 2010
Chinook Winds Casino
Lincoln City,
Oregon
Tim introduces himself on the loudspeaker
system from behind the curtain. (The casino would have charged $18
if he wanted to hire someone else to announce him.)
Monologue – Computer use at our age.
Super-saver airfares (LA to NY for $8. No return trip. Taxied from
LA to Dallas, and he thinks there was some crop-dusting in there,
too)
Farewell Speech of a Famous Retiring
Baseball Player
Impressions by Louise DuArt – Not limited
to: Barbara Streisand, Whoopi, Miss Piggy, Joan Rivers, Mr. Ed,
Tweety Bird.
Picture in your mind being stuck in an
elevator with: Edith Bunker, Joan Rivers, Jane Fonda, Marge
Simpson, Hillary Clinton and Fran Dresher.
Attending the Most Boring Meeting in the
World – The National Association of Corn Growers
Louise DuArt as Barbara Walters as a Stand
up Comedian in the Catskills
Tim as The Old Man – Welcome to the Ticket
Counter for Speed-O-Air Airlines.
(He had to Push AND
Pull a credit card through the credit card machine). Just make
sure you arrive early for the
noon flight (Maybe a
week in advance!)
Louise DuArt as “Cher”
Tim as a prisoner with his last chance to
escape – however his accomplice isn’t too bright.
Tim’s Monologue – Dieting, Going to the
Doctor Today (Parking in LA costs $1,100/hour. The doctors make
you wait because they own the parking lot.)
Louise DuArt as “George Burns”
Tim as Dorf, the World’s Greatest Golfer
Louise DuArt with her “Glued to the TV
skit.” (Lily Tomlin, Ruth Buzzy, Judge Judy, Fran Dresher)
Tim’s Question and Answer with the
Audience
How I Learned The Facts of Life
How to Hook Up a Doorbell
Army Days (He was actually stationed at
Fort
Lewis. However, it was peacetime and
he was mainly “Guarding Ping Pong Balls.”)
I was going to be a Jockey (not riding for
racing, but for training). But the first time he got on the horse
in the gate, the horse took off without him.
The Dentist Sketch (Originally aired on
the Carol Burnett Show). A dentist finally gets to work on his
first patient. But, by the end, he’s had more Novocain than the
patient.
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