March 4, 2009

Skunks 1
Humans 6

 What a difference a few days make. I’m not sure, but I believe we are winning in the attempt to relocate our critters. Tim, from Varmint Control, is on the scene, and this guy has TRAPS THAT ACTUALLY WORK! Let me be the first to say, that when you’re trying to catch a skunk, you better have a trap that works. That thing that I bought, looking at it now, makes me laugh. I mean, would you want to be carrying a skunk around in a metal cage? I think it was it comedian Jeff Foxworthy that said, “Yup, here’s your sign.”

 Yup, that would be for me.

 So let’s talk about these traps. There about 3 times the size, there are three of them, and not one has inadvertently failed, been mysteriously moved or tampered with in any way. They’re opaque, which means you can’t see through them, which means that the trapped skunk cannot see you, either. This generally means that the skunk will not spray.

 So far, when the skunks get caught in these things, they seem to be pretty docile. I’ve peered in through the small holes in the trap door, using a flashlight, and yes, there’s a skunk in there! But it’s not clamoring and nervous and trying to dig its way out. They’re probably in some sort of skunk-food-coma, due to all the treats that lured it into the trap in the first place. That’s fine with me.

 As you can see by the score, last night we caught what I can only describe as “Offenders # 5 and # 6.” These last two were a bit of a surprise to us, as for the last few days, all has been quiet under the house. No scratching, carrying on, mating, fighting, or any other skunking activities that I can tell. My theory is that #5 and #6 could be transients, in search of food. Maybe they were a search party for # 1, 2, 3 and 4, currently in the Skunk-Witness Protection Plan (SWPP). Too bad that they won’t be able to go back and tell all their friends of this great new place they found to potentially live in.

 So now, it’s on to Phase 3 of the Master Skunk Plan, which would be listed under

3. A.(II)ii.1a. paragraph 4 section 2 - Skunk-Proof the underside of the house.

 Since posting the “No Skunks” sign probably won’t work, I guess we’re going to have to start thinking about barricading the underside of the house to prevent re-entry.

 I’m sure the recommended materials involve at least 27 cubic feet of lead-reinforced mesh coated skunk-pheromone neutralizing concrete - to be poured around the perimeter of the property.

 But I’ll probably just rummage around the back of the garage until I find something that I can use.

 Believe me, you do not want what’s behind door #1 or #2!