By KIRBY NEUMANN-REA
News Editor
August 17, 2007

I have few souvenirs from my travels in Europe in 1984. But I did bring home one item that sits behind my desk, along with stuff I’ve collected in my seven years in Hood River: a Dilbert doll, funny nose glasses, ceramic beer stein, sandpiper, basketball-shaped foam beverage holder, flat-earth crayon, City of Maupin glass, bobbing shamrock headpiece, and Shriner Man planter. An odd collection, joined by that one, small, lightweight memento from Italy: a package of cigarettes.

The coffin-sticks will forever remain unopened, for of course I would never smoke them.

But I saw them at some newsstand in Rome, and had to buy them, for their name: “STOP.”

The cigarettes are otherwise unmarked except for “Monopoli Stato Italia.” I always loved the irony of cigarettes so-named. Not “Alto,” the Italian equivalent, but STOP. A distinctly American name, which I am sure is the appeal.

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I show the package to people from time to time; they caught my own eye when a package recently arrived from Star Scientific Inc., containing two new products: Stonewall Hard Snuff pieces, and “Ariva,” Dissolvable Tobacco Pieces.

“Ariva” –—is that intended to sound Italian?

Both packages are termed “A Smokeless Tobacco Product” and, near as I can tell, are identical in content. Stonewall is labeled “Spit Free ™” and Ariva carries the header “Smokefree Satisfaction.” Both are labeled wintergreen and the boxes are the same dark green and about the same size as a pack of cigarettes, but attractively packaged like a box of candy.

But something I consider a significant connector to their cigarette cousins: Both Stonewall and Ariva contain 20 pieces — the same number of cigarettes to a pack.

“Another hook,” said a co-worker, a smoker, in examining the products.

Addiction comes in packs of 20, not 19, not 30. Twenty.

“Warning: This product is not a safe alternative to cigarettes,” both packages say.

One of the marvels of modern pharmaceutical advertising is the phenomenon I call the Side Effects Syndrome — a drug ad will typically spend 30 seconds telling you what the alluringly-named product will do for you, and the next 30 seconds listing the many side-effects — often worse than the symptoms of whatever ails.

“Felixxor … cures allergy eyes and sneezing, but in many cases causes lethargy, furry tongue, tingly fingertips, and loss of appetite possibly brought on by an insatiable urge to eat play-dough. Do not use if you while operating heavy equipment, walking your dog, sleeping on the sofa or playing croquet ... can become habit-forming.”

Ariva and Stonewall say that “as with other oral tobacco products, some users may experience temporary dizziness, heartburn, hiccups or nausea.”

Otherwise, enjoy!

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Then the box warns us to keep away from children and adolescents, as nicotine is an addictive substance. But Stonewall and Ariva are both made from “110 percent Virginia StarCured TM tobacco.”

The gooood stuff.

“There are no safe tobacco products,” reads bold print. “Quitting or Not starting is your best option.” “THIS PRODUCT IS FOR ADULT TOBACCO USERS ONLY.”

Star Scientific says dissolvable tobacco products “pose at least a 90 percent reduction in risk compared to smoking,” the press kit states.

Wait: Star Scientific? How’s that for a manipulative company name: Oh, well, they use science — it must be safe!

“The Tobacco-Specific Nitrosamines level in Star’s patented products have the lowest TSNA levels of any tobacco product available, and Star is the only manufacturer of dissolvable smokeless tobacco projects.”

If they are the only such manufacturer, can they hence claim empirical evidence that dissolvable nicotine presents less of a risk? Either way, their target audience has either ignored or forgotten anything to do with TSNA.

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So I had to Stop and think: If this is such a hunky-dory product, why would it come in two packages with two distinct names?

Who do you think Stonewall is intended for? Men, of course.

And Ariva? Step right up, ladies.

Sorry if this seems sexist, but the tobacco industry is notorious for gender-based marketing ploys.

I’ve always wondered at the logic of the following tobacco warning label attached to cigarettes clearly aimed at men: “Smoking by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth and low birth weight.” (“Light one up, Hank, nothing to worry about — unless you’re expecting?”)

The other one that strikes me as pointless is a big city billboard telling us “Cigarette smoke contains carbon monoxide.” Everything we breathe does — why not light up?

Then there is the creepy similarity of these products to boxes of candy or breath gum.

The “dizziness” caution assures young users that they will find a buzz, and these products look interchangeable with lozenges or candy. Young people certainly will try these products; if Stonewall and Ariva are widely distributed it is just a matter of time before impressionable minds will be sucked in — pun somehow apropos.

I read somewhere that, per capita, Italians smoke at one of the highest rates of any country. I hope that with cigarettes called “Stop” that they also have a higher rate of irony.