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March 2010

How long have I been doing Stand Up? Am I standing up?

So I’m starting to see a pattern here. I’ve been to three shows, and two of the shows have had skits about dentists. Which is funny, because, when I was a kid, I had a LOT of dentist work. I mean, a lot. Every time I turned around, there was a dentist wanting to poke around inside my mouth.

More specifically, my orthodontist (a higher-paid dentist) was thrilled when I came in, because I remember my mom saying that he was using my mouth as a subject for some sort of conference presentation at the ORTHO-CON 1978 convention. I think he took 400 x-rays because the world had never seen a “case” like mine.

Anyway, this show was just great.

I mean, for a guy who is 76 years old — his voice and demeanor was exactly how I heard it growing up. I mean, the show that he co-starred on was in everybody’s living room — on what, Friday nights, for something like 11 years.

A perfect mix of stand-up and skits – with help from Chuck McCann and Louise DuArt (a woman who could impersonate Anybody) – the show gave you an understanding to the point he made at the end of the show:

“I’m really incapable of doing anything else, besides comedy.”

And that’s fine with me.

Tim Conway and Friends

March 12, 2010

Chinook Winds Casino

Lincoln City, Oregon

Tim introduces himself on the loudspeaker system from behind the curtain. (The casino would have charged $18 if he wanted to hire someone else to announce him.)

Monologue – Computer use at our age. Super-saver airfares (LA to NY for $8. No return trip. Taxied from LA to Dallas, and he thinks there was some crop-dusting in there, too)

Farewell Speech of a Famous Retiring Baseball Player

Impressions by Louise DuArt – Not limited to: Barbara Streisand, Whoopi, Miss Piggy, Joan Rivers, Mr. Ed, Tweety Bird.

Picture in your mind being stuck in an elevator with: Edith Bunker, Joan Rivers, Jane Fonda, Marge Simpson, Hillary Clinton and Fran Dresher.

Attending the Most Boring Meeting in the World – The National Association of Corn Growers

Louise DuArt as Barbara Walters as a Stand up Comedian in the Catskills

Tim as The Old Man – Welcome to the Ticket Counter for Speed-O-Air Airlines.

(He had to Push AND Pull a credit card through the credit card machine). Just make sure you arrive early for the noon flight (Maybe a week in advance!)

Louise DuArt as “Cher”

Tim as a prisoner with his last chance to escape – however his accomplice isn’t too bright.

Tim’s Monologue – Dieting, Going to the Doctor Today (Parking in LA costs $1,100/hour. The doctors make you wait because they own the parking lot.)

Louise DuArt as “George Burns”

Tim as Dorf, the World’s Greatest Golfer

Louise DuArt with her “Glued to the TV skit.” (Lily Tomlin, Ruth Buzzy, Judge Judy, Fran Dresher)

Tim’s Question and Answer with the Audience

How I Learned The Facts of Life

How to Hook Up a Doorbell

Army Days (He was actually stationed at Fort Lewis. However, it was peacetime and he was mainly “Guarding Ping Pong Balls.”)

I was going to be a Jockey (not riding for racing, but for training). But the first time he got on the horse in the gate, the horse took off without him.

The Dentist Sketch (Originally aired on the Carol Burnett Show). A dentist finally gets to work on his first patient. But, by the end, he’s had more Novocain than the patient.

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