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The Porch, Dec. 30 edition


MT. HOOD, Coe Glacier at center, Cooper Spur at left.

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MT. HOOD, Coe Glacier at center, Cooper Spur at left.



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MT. RAINIER, Mowich Face at center, Willis Wall at left.

WELL SAID: “The old problems — love, money, security, status, health, etc. — are still here to plague us or please us.” — Shelley Berman, 1926-2017

WELL DONE: By Hood River photographer and mountain expert Darryl Lloyd: When a profile of Mount Hood appeared atop a Seattle-based geological website focusing on Mount Rainier, Lloyd attempted to correct them on it via email. A few hours later, the guy in charge of the website responded that the view of the mountain — clearly Cooper Spur, Coe Glacier and other features of the Oregon sentinel — “While it looks like Mount Hood, it is actually Mowich Face in the foreground with Willis Wall behind it … ” Replied Lloyd, who does know a few things about our Northwest peaks, “Well, you can call it Rainier, but ask anyone who knows Mount Hood like I do, and they’ll agree with me.” A few hours after that, and with no words of thanks or other comment to Lloyd, the webpage image was changed to Mount Rainier.

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LEFT, wondering near Pine Grove …

SIGNS serve all sorts of purposes, but sometimes they serve as inherent mysteries. Witness the one (see photo) near Pine Grove at Fir Mountain and Thomsen roads: “Turn Here” says the rustic, hand-painted board, indicating left, or west-bound on Fir Mountain. Yet no other words or symbols to explain its orientation. Why turn here? What is my destination? Who wants me to head that way?

CUSTOMER SERVICE: A bowl full of quarters on the counter at Windy River Computers, courtesy of owners Perry and Wilma. “We don’t want to see anyone get a parking ticket,” Perry said. Some clients will take coins to stave off the fine, while others will put down a dollar in exchange.

CAUTION: Slipperiest place to step on frosty mornings? Yellow curb paint.

PORCH décor: Not sure what it’s doing there, but a home on a quiet Heights side street has on the porch a hand-painted wooden sign about an “ice cream sandwich bar,” complete with flavors and instructions, and the exhortation, “Get Stacked Y’All.”

L.I.T.erally: Applebees was kind enough to inform us that the restaurants have been offering the $1 Long Island Iced Tea, better known as the Dollar L.I.T.” (trademark) all December, adding that “the fan-favorite cocktail is made with a delicious mix of vodka, rum, gin, tequila, triple sec and sweet and sour mix with a splash of cola.”

The drink has a much higher alcohol concentration — approximately 22 percent — than most highball drinks due to the relatively small amount of mixer.

Considering all that booze, the reader can decide the seasonal suitability of “L.I.T.”; you could call it an “alco-nym.”

After spending a couple bucks at Applebees on these concoctions, “lit” is what you would be.

— Kirby Neumann-Rea



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