The Porch, July 14 edition

“MY HARDEST stop,” said the Columbia Distributing employee (who declined to give his name), of the Locks Café at Cascade Locks marina. The truck won’t fit under the train trestle, so he parks on WaNaPa Avenue, loads up the merchandise on a pallet jack and schleps it down the hill and 300 yards east to the restaurant and back. Think of that next time you have a cold one at the scenic riverside eatery.

WELL SAID: “In many ways an artistic nature unfits a man for a practical existence.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

WELL DONE: Waterline replacement and paving project street flaggers, staying on top of matters and having to deal with numerous rude and even unsafe drivers who argue with or ignore their instructions. The patient neon-clad crew members also accomplish this at multiple and fast-changing locations, at times resembling the movie “Multiplicity.”

SEEN AND HEARD: A young boy on State Street, just west of Fourth, asks his parents, “Can I walk up on that roof?” … A Beam Excavation worker: “We already covered up a couple of them,” as he sprays bright pink paint to mark metal utility covers in fresh asphalt paving zones … Port worker disengaging the spike strip at the Event Site lot, to make way for a large truck needing to back in …

PARKING LOT TREND that needs stopping: Call them asphalt relax zones — picnickers creating a circle of chairs behind a tailgate in the new Jensen Lot, causing a narrow lane for vehicles to get by. This with a grassy park just a few feet away.

SCANNER TALK: This week, a Dee Highway resident called 9-1-1 when his wife, 80, fell and struck her head after “we had a tussle.” When deputies arrived, one reported that “everyone else better back off,” and that the woman “said she slipped.”

Deputy, on another complaint call: ”I checked my ORS and hanging out is not a crime.”

Motorist reports a drone stolen from her car, then calls back to say she had forgotten it on the sidewalk.

PLATE PARADE: With summer come plates from these states, seen around Hood River in the past week: Arizona, California, Colorado, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas and Utah. Also: Mexico, Alberta and British Columbia.

Many of the plates have bikes hung on the back, the tires nearly obscuring the plate.

SHIRTS: Guy with the outline of Nebraska on his t-shirt. Didn’t see a Nebraska plate, and how many Cornhusker State shirts do you see?

CAKE TALK: I put out the invitation in the previous Porch for guys to join me in entering the chocolate cake contest, for men aged 19 and over, at Hood River County Fair July 26-29. Tim Saur of Hood River said he’s up for it — anyone else? See details on page 35 of the Hood River Fairbook. (Plan on entering the contest? Give me a call at 541-386-1234 or drop me an email at

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