WELL SAID: “Follow your inclinations with due regard to the policeman around the corner.” — W. Somerset Maugham

WELL DONE: On Thomsen Road the other day, at Oldfather Farms, Azure Farms workers Zephaniah Selzer and Ralph Morin have a practical problem: With their forklift broken down, how to use that forklift to coax a bin of Boscs up a truck ramp. Selzer at the wheel, they easily push the bin up to the truck edge, but plywood slumps under the weight and the bin catches on the space between the ramp and the truck lip. No problem: Morin finds a nearby stick and inserts it into the gap. Selzer backs up slightly, and then rolls the bin up and over. However, the lift prongs get pinched under the weight of the bin, which is tipped up but stuck. “We need some kind of shim,” Selzer says; just an inch or so of space is needed. Morin picks up a tennis ball-sized rock, and puts it under the bin. Selzer lowers the bin on top of the rock and gently wiggles the prongs free. “That’s farming,” he says.

SEEN AND HEARD: Hardhat-wearing guy says to his partner, “If it’s on the print and on the scope, you need to do it, and if it’s on the print and not on the scope, you still need to do it” … Customer parks near a food truck and leaves it, but it’s in a parking spot blocking access to a dumpster. Food truck owner goes to the vehicle, finds keys in it, and moves it to a better spot … “No, I guess your cattle won’t eat it.” ODOT’s Guy Mooney said this to a farming acquaintance. He’d phoned the man to ask if he would allow burned hay from the Highway 35 fire to be dumped on his property (see page A5).

BUMPER STICKER OF THE WEEK: “My Dog Is Titled At Both Ends.” A neighboring breed sticker provides a clue to this mysterious sticker, which it turns out comes via the American Kennel Club. A Google check came up with this chat item from a Proud Dog Owner: “I would like to suggest my dachshund, Wigeon, as Not Just a Pretty Face. His registered name is Ch. Keysown Mr. Smidgen of Wigeon CD BN MXJ AX NF JE CAA RATN CGCA CGCU TKP.” Dog’s got more letters than docs!

One last: It seems that in the world of AKC, there are such titles as Farm Dog, Senior Earthdog, and Total Dog. (“Senior Earthdog” would be a great band name, and if I had to choose a rap name, I would make it Ch. Keysown.)

GREAT JOB on the Music Festival of the Gorge, raising money for the Matt Klee Memorial Fund to support school music programs. The event included the annual kids’ art project (photos, A10). But next year, organizers should find a different location for the port-a-potties: While youngsters created art nearby, the temporary restrooms were right against the north side of the restroom building — blocking the murals painted by kids at the first MFOG in 2015, in memory of Klee.

ASPHALT, AFFIXED: Years ago, during repaving at Sixth and State, a stick of licorice got dropped in the fresh asphalt, and was stuck there for weeks. The decomposition time of the sugary treat was surprisingly long, and the remaining eight-inch groove took months for cars to flatten out.

More recently, on Ehrck Hill Road, something else fell into the poured asphalt, but will remain there for far longer: It’s a 3/8-inch wrench, permanently imbedded. You can see it right next to the east access to Smiley’s Red Barn/Fox Tail Cidery.


Take your seat on The Porch; feedback is welcome, along with contributions of those offbeat and under-noticed elements of life around here. You’ll know them when you see them: kneumannrea@hoodrivernews.com.

— Kirby Neumann-Rea

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